Relationship, Touch and Partner Yoga

In our temporal world each of us is confined to a physical body. This makes our internal experience solitary by nature. Through the simple act of touch it is possible to come into a knowing, an understanding of what is happening in ourselves and in others. When I consider what existence would be like without touch, what comes to mind is meaningless isolation. Partner Yoga, a practice based on conscious physical contact takes us out of isolation and into meaningful connection.

Elysabeth and I usually begin our Partner Yoga workshops with a short presentation. We demonstrate a series of postures progressing from simple to advanced. This flow series is choreographed and often set to music. In a very real sense what we are doing is a dance. For me it is always personal and intimate to share this. When I reflect on what’s happening during the demonstration, I see two primary connections—one within myself and one between Elysabeth and I. A third connection also exists between me and those witnessing. What I realize in this is that despite everyone’s presence, my experience is uniquely mine and mine alone.

We encourage people to watch or to ‘take in’ our demonstration by welcoming the experience into their bodies as much as into their minds. This may sound a bit strange but in the context of ‘being’ it is a powerful way to experience what’s happening. Intimate, beautiful, peaceful are common descriptors people share with us. Are these accurate reflections of my experience, of Elysabeth’s experience, of the experience we share together? Or is the person witnessing the demonstration expressing something from within themselves? The simple answer is that it’s about their experience. Even so, I think something else is going on. And that something else is the transformative power of Partner Yoga.

All shared experiences are experiences of projection. Each one of us has our own ideas, beliefs, feelings, fears, intuitions, and desires. It is through these perceptions we filter all of our experiences. In short, we have a story about everything and we spend a lot of time and energy reacting to our story. Most therapy is directed toward the remaking of story—and rightfully so because so often it is our story and not our reality that keeps us from living free and empowered lives.

In Partner Yoga, touch is the primary mode of relating. When we practice Partner Yoga we open ourselves to an immediacy of experience. Not only do we share space with someone, we are in intimate physical contact with them. Many people assume it is the physical aspects of Partner Yoga that can make the practices challenging. However, in my experience as a facilitator I see it is the emotional and psychological aspects that provide the greater challenge. In Partner Yoga, our stories can be easily triggered and what comes up often surprises us. In these challenging moments, it is the physical contact that creates a dynamic for change to occur. Through touch, I am drawn into a deepened awareness—a grounded presence of who I am. It is here that Partner Yoga brings forth its transformative power. From that place of being I can begin to let go of story.

In one sense the practices of Partner Yoga are very simple and it is this simplicity that enables me to see how my story is not working. My belief may be that my partner cannot support me or that I cannot trust them. Many of my real world experiences have left me disappointed in these same areas. When I experience the physical support in the Prone Sacral Connection practice or the power in letting go of fear in the Hanging Inversion practice, my story literally begins to come undone. The physical contact between my partner and me creates a vulnerability that allows for the imprint of new story. The nurturing quality of this contact enables that story to take hold.

This is an incredibly powerful phenomenon. I believe the effectiveness of many forms of therapy would significantly improve if touch were made an integral part. Human contact is that powerful. More often than not it was destructive physical contact or the withholding of nurturing contact that internalized ‘bad story’ for us in the first place.

In our letting go of story we come to know ourselves as we truly are. My projections come into alignment with reality. I see myself and am seen as I am—and I see others as they are. We become mirrors for one another having the capacity to reflect and affirm the beauty and essence of who we are.

At the end of our workshops we often ask people to share something of their experience with the group. It is deeply gratifying for me when people use the same descriptors they did in sharing about Elysabeth and I: intimate, beautiful, peaceful. Through these reflections I sense the depth with which this work serves others. Joy and contentment fill my heart. I know I am not alone and it is a good thing to be alive.

Rex Seader

Previoulsy published in April 2006 issue of Motif Magazine

Partner Yoga or Individual Practice?

This is not a question most people consider – whether to have an individual yoga practice at all is for most, a more relevant question. Having spent over twelve years exploring and developing Partner Yoga practices, this is a question that I have often considered. There was a period of time while writing my book that Partner Yoga was my sole practice. I asked myself ‘Why do an individual practice when Partner Yoga fulfills the purpose of Yoga with much less effort and much more pleasure?’ My understanding of the purpose of Yoga is - to expand my being and open me to experiencing union between my separate self and the larger Whole. In the practice of Partner Yoga, the larger whole is accessed through connecting with others.

Over time I realized that it was very important to maintain a steady individual practice. During my exploration of the principles of Partner Yoga I came to see that it is only to the degree that we can define ourselves as separate, unique and whole unto ourselves that we are able to safely join with others. It is from an ongoing committed self-practice that we develop the self-awareness and distinction of self that leads to harmonious relationships and eventually to union with the larger Whole. Our relationship with ourselves is the foundation upon which all others rest.

One of the paradoxes of spiritual development is that although we are moving away from ego and attachment to self-image, if the separate self is not cultivated and continually refined, the result will be confusion and negative projections in our relationships. We experience this as co-dependence, or the part of us that believes we need others to be whole, safe or happy. For those of us who have experienced co-dependent relationships, we know this kind of dependence leads to anger, shame and addiction. These relationships mirror negative beliefs such as ‘intimacy with others is dangerous’. We begin to shut ourselves off from the richness and joy of intimate relationships and to our most basic human need for authentic connection with others.

In observing human dynamics of relationship through Partner Yoga, I’ve noticed that most of us habituate toward one of two relational patterns; the first is to become so solidly identified with ourselves that we have difficulty attuning to and connecting with others. The second pattern is becoming so overly identified with others that we have difficulty discerning our own thoughts and feelings from the thoughts and feelings of others. My own pattern is the latter and I’ve learned it is particularly important for those of us with this tendency to have an individual practice in order to strengthen our own energetic boundary. I have also seen and experienced how Partner Yoga practices shifts these patterns and has a healing, balancing effect on both - those whose tendency is toward rigid boundaries learn to soften and safely open to the energies of others. Those who tend to unconsciously merge with others have an opportunity to use the presence of others to deepen into their autonomous sense of self.

Like many questions in life it is not an either/or between Partner Yoga and individual Yoga practice. Instead I see how mutually supportive they can be. Some practitioners find individual Yoga practice to be their path of preference and are content with the use of props if additional support is needed. I have found the healing qualities of Yoga become greater when consciously practiced with others – that Partner Yoga practice has the potential to take what we cultivate on our own and magnify it, accelerating our spiritual and emotional growth. The experience of safety and support, love and acceptance that comes with Partner Yoga affects us in ways beyond what we can imagine bringing us into a state of comm-union with each other and our self.

Elysabeth Williamson

Previoulsy published in February 2006 issue of Motif Magazine