Yoga for 2 - (Wed 6:30-8:00pm) - Class Feedback

Please post any comments, questions or feedback concerning the 'yoga for 2' class offered by Rex at the Springer Studios in Golden, CO (Wednesdays, 6:30 to 8:00 pm)

Jim Meehan, Workshop at West Hartford Yoga, West Hartford, CT

Look at me way up high,
Suddenly here am I, I'm flying!

On Father’s Day, Mars and I did our first Flying Forward Bend. We weren’t alone. There were ten other couples also doing it – nine of them neophytes. And there were Elysabeth and Rex who showed us all how to do it.

Actually they did much more than that.

Partner Yoga is a little like Cirque du Soleil — without the frenetic music. Two people do things that (a) are impossible to do by themselves and (b) look impossible to do under any circumstances.

Which may be the point of the whole exercise anyway. Or at least it was for me. Too bad I didn’t know that when we had to tell what our intentions were.

This ritual frequently happens at the beginning of Yoga classes. Usually each participant is asked to just think about their intention in taking that day’s class. In this workshop, instead of keeping our intention private and (at least in my case) unformulated, we had to go around the room and tell our fellow students what it was.

At this point we were sitting in a small circle — self arranged in that traditional boy-girl-boy-girl setup that couples instinctively adopt when asked to sit in that rounded shape.

Rex was first to tell his intention and then, thankfully, the baton was passed left to the female half of the adjacent couple. I sighed relief internally and snuck a glance around the room at the ten other guys — most of who seemed to share my easing in tension. I mean its not that guys don’t have intentions (of course we do), the path to Hell isn’t paved with nothing. We just don’t articulate them as well as, for example, our female partners at whose request most of us were sitting in this circle to begin with.

I was here because (a) Mars had given me this class as a Father’s Day present, (b) it would be a new experience that we would do together, (c) I (presumably) would get to touch her (maybe even a lot), and (d) do some Yoga — all of which seemed like good things to me. The gift (a) was the cause of me being here. The others (b, c, and d) were possible reasons that flashed through my mind (along with it was too hot for golf) as I was frantically trying to come up with a good Yoga-sounding intention.

But mostly I was hoping that Mars would say something that would allow me to say "Yeah - What she said! Doubled!"

Unlike us, married thirty-nine years plus a few more together, most of the couples seemed to be relatively new to their partnering arrangement and were looking to ‘connect’. Or at least the women were. The few men that were connecting seemed to be verbalizing a more Yoga-savvy version of "Yeah - What she said! Doubled!"

All too soon it came to be our turn and Mars mentioned "doing something different for Father’s Day" and I fumbled through "trying a new experience together", both of which must have been acceptable intentions because we were not asked to leave either the circle or the class.

Next came the demo.

Elysabeth and Rex didn’t say much about what they were about to do. They just turned on some surprisingly up-tempo New Age music, sat back to back, and began twisting and stretching themselves, and each other, with a dizzying array of hand-to-hand, hand-to-wrist, hand-to- rib cage, hand to you-name-it movements.

Then he lay prone and she bent him backwards with the aid of various methods of holding him down — foot on foot, sitting on legs, etc. Next, using a handheld strap, they sat facing each other, placed foot sole to foot sole, lifted their legs up straight, and leaned back to form a living, surprisingly stable, "W".

At this point I figured that this demo was actually a performance of the more outrageous possibilities of Partner Yoga. Then they did the Flying Forward Bend, first with her on top, then him, and I was convinced that basically none of what we had just seen were we about to attempt.

Wrong!

They had shown us the "foundation". Now we were to do it.

And we did. In spite of our individual and collective physical limitations. In spite of the ninety plus degree heat in the room. In spite of the fact that if we had thought about any of these movements while we were doing them we would have immediately realized that we weren’t really doing them because they simply couldn’t be done.

And then it was time to fly.

Mars and I decided for various reasons not to attempt it with me on top. But try as we might we just couldn’t get Mars into the air. (I say "we" because Elysabeth and Rex had said that this was not a matter of the bottom lifting the top but rather of the top and bottom together reaching a point of balance where they both coordinate to get the flyer up with minimal effort from the holder.)

We asked for help.

First, while Mars observed, Elysabeth settled her hipbones onto the bottoms of my feet, leaned forward and with amazingly little effort on my part I straightened my bent legs and held her aloft. Next Rex guided my pelvic area onto his soles and I too soared.

And then the denouement, with Rex’s verbal guidance Mars and I found the right balance point to allow us to jointly elevate her off of the floor and into the yogic stratosphere. Twice!

To me one of the best things about having the right partner is that you become quite brave about trying new, even unthinkable things, as long as you are doing them together.

So remember – and feel free to use this as your own intention – it’s actually quite easy to pick up a really good-looking woman at a Partner Yoga workshop.

June 20, 2006

Relationship, Touch and Partner Yoga

In our temporal world each of us is confined to a physical body. This makes our internal experience solitary by nature. Through the simple act of touch it is possible to come into a knowing, an understanding of what is happening in ourselves and in others. When I consider what existence would be like without touch, what comes to mind is meaningless isolation. Partner Yoga, a practice based on conscious physical contact takes us out of isolation and into meaningful connection.

Elysabeth and I usually begin our Partner Yoga workshops with a short presentation. We demonstrate a series of postures progressing from simple to advanced. This flow series is choreographed and often set to music. In a very real sense what we are doing is a dance. For me it is always personal and intimate to share this. When I reflect on what’s happening during the demonstration, I see two primary connections—one within myself and one between Elysabeth and I. A third connection also exists between me and those witnessing. What I realize in this is that despite everyone’s presence, my experience is uniquely mine and mine alone.

We encourage people to watch or to ‘take in’ our demonstration by welcoming the experience into their bodies as much as into their minds. This may sound a bit strange but in the context of ‘being’ it is a powerful way to experience what’s happening. Intimate, beautiful, peaceful are common descriptors people share with us. Are these accurate reflections of my experience, of Elysabeth’s experience, of the experience we share together? Or is the person witnessing the demonstration expressing something from within themselves? The simple answer is that it’s about their experience. Even so, I think something else is going on. And that something else is the transformative power of Partner Yoga.

All shared experiences are experiences of projection. Each one of us has our own ideas, beliefs, feelings, fears, intuitions, and desires. It is through these perceptions we filter all of our experiences. In short, we have a story about everything and we spend a lot of time and energy reacting to our story. Most therapy is directed toward the remaking of story—and rightfully so because so often it is our story and not our reality that keeps us from living free and empowered lives.

In Partner Yoga, touch is the primary mode of relating. When we practice Partner Yoga we open ourselves to an immediacy of experience. Not only do we share space with someone, we are in intimate physical contact with them. Many people assume it is the physical aspects of Partner Yoga that can make the practices challenging. However, in my experience as a facilitator I see it is the emotional and psychological aspects that provide the greater challenge. In Partner Yoga, our stories can be easily triggered and what comes up often surprises us. In these challenging moments, it is the physical contact that creates a dynamic for change to occur. Through touch, I am drawn into a deepened awareness—a grounded presence of who I am. It is here that Partner Yoga brings forth its transformative power. From that place of being I can begin to let go of story.

In one sense the practices of Partner Yoga are very simple and it is this simplicity that enables me to see how my story is not working. My belief may be that my partner cannot support me or that I cannot trust them. Many of my real world experiences have left me disappointed in these same areas. When I experience the physical support in the Prone Sacral Connection practice or the power in letting go of fear in the Hanging Inversion practice, my story literally begins to come undone. The physical contact between my partner and me creates a vulnerability that allows for the imprint of new story. The nurturing quality of this contact enables that story to take hold.

This is an incredibly powerful phenomenon. I believe the effectiveness of many forms of therapy would significantly improve if touch were made an integral part. Human contact is that powerful. More often than not it was destructive physical contact or the withholding of nurturing contact that internalized ‘bad story’ for us in the first place.

In our letting go of story we come to know ourselves as we truly are. My projections come into alignment with reality. I see myself and am seen as I am—and I see others as they are. We become mirrors for one another having the capacity to reflect and affirm the beauty and essence of who we are.

At the end of our workshops we often ask people to share something of their experience with the group. It is deeply gratifying for me when people use the same descriptors they did in sharing about Elysabeth and I: intimate, beautiful, peaceful. Through these reflections I sense the depth with which this work serves others. Joy and contentment fill my heart. I know I am not alone and it is a good thing to be alive.

Rex Seader

Previoulsy published in April 2006 issue of Motif Magazine

Partner Yoga or Individual Practice?

This is not a question most people consider – whether to have an individual yoga practice at all is for most, a more relevant question. Having spent over twelve years exploring and developing Partner Yoga practices, this is a question that I have often considered. There was a period of time while writing my book that Partner Yoga was my sole practice. I asked myself ‘Why do an individual practice when Partner Yoga fulfills the purpose of Yoga with much less effort and much more pleasure?’ My understanding of the purpose of Yoga is - to expand my being and open me to experiencing union between my separate self and the larger Whole. In the practice of Partner Yoga, the larger whole is accessed through connecting with others.

Over time I realized that it was very important to maintain a steady individual practice. During my exploration of the principles of Partner Yoga I came to see that it is only to the degree that we can define ourselves as separate, unique and whole unto ourselves that we are able to safely join with others. It is from an ongoing committed self-practice that we develop the self-awareness and distinction of self that leads to harmonious relationships and eventually to union with the larger Whole. Our relationship with ourselves is the foundation upon which all others rest.

One of the paradoxes of spiritual development is that although we are moving away from ego and attachment to self-image, if the separate self is not cultivated and continually refined, the result will be confusion and negative projections in our relationships. We experience this as co-dependence, or the part of us that believes we need others to be whole, safe or happy. For those of us who have experienced co-dependent relationships, we know this kind of dependence leads to anger, shame and addiction. These relationships mirror negative beliefs such as ‘intimacy with others is dangerous’. We begin to shut ourselves off from the richness and joy of intimate relationships and to our most basic human need for authentic connection with others.

In observing human dynamics of relationship through Partner Yoga, I’ve noticed that most of us habituate toward one of two relational patterns; the first is to become so solidly identified with ourselves that we have difficulty attuning to and connecting with others. The second pattern is becoming so overly identified with others that we have difficulty discerning our own thoughts and feelings from the thoughts and feelings of others. My own pattern is the latter and I’ve learned it is particularly important for those of us with this tendency to have an individual practice in order to strengthen our own energetic boundary. I have also seen and experienced how Partner Yoga practices shifts these patterns and has a healing, balancing effect on both - those whose tendency is toward rigid boundaries learn to soften and safely open to the energies of others. Those who tend to unconsciously merge with others have an opportunity to use the presence of others to deepen into their autonomous sense of self.

Like many questions in life it is not an either/or between Partner Yoga and individual Yoga practice. Instead I see how mutually supportive they can be. Some practitioners find individual Yoga practice to be their path of preference and are content with the use of props if additional support is needed. I have found the healing qualities of Yoga become greater when consciously practiced with others – that Partner Yoga practice has the potential to take what we cultivate on our own and magnify it, accelerating our spiritual and emotional growth. The experience of safety and support, love and acceptance that comes with Partner Yoga affects us in ways beyond what we can imagine bringing us into a state of comm-union with each other and our self.

Elysabeth Williamson

Previoulsy published in February 2006 issue of Motif Magazine